Why is loving oneself difficult? I want to, long to, love myself. Not just myself when I look and feel good, but especially the times when I am not feeling so great. I wish to have deeper compassion towards myself. I know many answers lie within that, maybe most? I want to look in the mirror and think “Wauv! What an intelligent, bright woman looking back at me”, but I don’t, I see imperfections, and if I do it is not natural, it is ‘acted’ – Sad! As I am writing this however, I am feeling like a key has unlocked something deep inside of me, the process of writing can be a magical thing. Simply the awareness and putting words to thougths can heal.
Loving oneself is a topic that is a live for me currently. For the next four weeks, I am in Alburquerque, studying Ayurveda. Being in a setting of healing, and having had to asses my own health, my mind is thinking about the structures and habits that we create and how they govern our lives and influence our well-being. The stories we tell ourselves become our reality.
I thought I had been working on behaviours of mine that were not serving me such as pushing myself excessively both mentally and physically, but I am realizing that theres is alot more work to be done. In 2009, I moved from busy LA to Maui, but all I have done, I see now, is change the environment, tricking myself because the outside surroundings are more tranquil. My mind is still the same. I need to change my mind. The body is nothing but a structure of the mind.
Because of me pushing myself over several years, I have created serious hormonal imbalance in my body that I no longer can push aside. In the process of creating balance, I am having to look at these underlying structures that I have created – Not easy, but necessary and the reward will be grand – Optimum Health, and a big piece to this is: Loving Myself, as I am…
I am trying, it is a process. Love to you all.
